10 surprising things your wedding planner doesn’t want you to know

Ever wonder what your wedding planner is really saying behind closed doors? Here are the top ten things we wish we could tell you but never will.

1. Our fitbit logs in at 18K-20K steps on an average wedding day.

And that is with ceremony and reception all in the same venue. Add in a second-line parade, first look in a park, and multiple locations for bridal prep, ceremony, and reception, and our step count increases dramatically. Also, the post-wedding day hangover has us feeling like we’ve been hit by a mack truck! The struggle is real.

2. An entire committee of friends and family involved in the decision making process is frustrating.

It is very kind of you to want to include as many people as possible in the planning of the most important day of your life. I’m sure your mother’s cousin’s best friend who is a retired interior designer has a lot of ideas about what makes a great event aesthetic. However, when it comes to streamlining the process, your planner really needs one or two points of contact at most: yours (and your fiance’s) and the person writing the checks. Too many cooks in the kitchen means a grease fire is bound to happen sooner or later.

3. Leftovers from cocktail hour are the only thing we will eat that day.

Even when we arrange for vendor meals prior to your event, there is so much going on in our production schedule that requires our attention, we don’t have time to sit and eat a real meal all day. The hours are long - 12-14 hours or even more - almost all of which is spent on our feet running around to ensure that everything is happening on schedule. We might be lucky enough to grab a bite or two of passed hors d’oeurves as they come out of the kitchen (quality control, am I right?) but mostly our meals on event day are few and far between.

4. We keep a spare pair of brand new underwear in our emergency kit.

Weird, but true. You’d be surprised how often we have had to dip into our emergency kit for a pair of nude underwear because the flower girl’s brightly colored Wonder Woman undies are visible through her white dress, or the bride is freaking out because Aunt Flo came a week early and she wants an extra layer of protection down the aisle. It’s happened more often than you might think!

5. When the band gets going, we really want to get on the dance floor!

We are dying to whip and nay nay with you but have to keep our composure. Under any other circumstances, if asked we would TOTALLY take you up on an offer to cut a rug! Plus, we are better at getting our groove on with a drink in hand, and we are definitely not imbibing while on the clock. So instead you’ll find us with a view of the dance floor watching the party and tapping our foot to the beat.

6. We really hate the sparkler exit, no matter how pretty it is in pictures.

There, we said it! Gathering together 100 or more drunk people and putting a stick of fire in their hands while ushering you and your beloved through the tunnel of pyrotechnics is not our idea of a good time. We understand this has been a Pinterest dream of yours since you got the ring; however the logistics of this moment at the end of the night are more complicated than the photo is really worth. Opt for bubbles or ribbon wands instead.

Erika Parker Photography

Erika Parker Photography

7. We’ve written your groom’s vows for you minutes before going down the aisle.

It’s not personal. But your partner’s penchant for procrastination plus the insurmountable amount of pressure to find the right words can leave him with a bout of writer’s block. Don’t worry, we are certain he is coming from a place of love, and we don’t mind helping pull together something meaningful for him to say to you.

8. Your wedding is not the only event we are presently planning, nor will it be the last.

Spoiler alert: you are not the only bride on the planet getting married. We would NEVER tell you there is something we cannot deliver to you because we are busy with another bride. We want you to feel special and as if you are the only client we have on the schedule. However, we are running a business. This business helps put food on our table and gets our kids through school. So sticking to our boundaries of office hours and days off during the planning process helps us to help you, and also achieve a sense of work-life balance that make us better planners in the long run.

9. Transportation is our least favorite part of the day.

Sometimes we feel like stewards on the Titanic as the ship is going down, shouting “Women and children first!” Guests tend to get into a state of panic after the ceremony to get a seat on the bus taking them to the reception so they don’t miss a single moment. If you’ve planned on having one or two vehicles shuttle guests during this time from one place to another, we highly recommend investing in enough of a fleet to move 100% of your guests from ceremony to reception at the same time. And what we’d really rather see you do is keep it simple and strive for everything to take place at one venue, or at least walking distance from ceremony to reception. Your guests will thank you!

10. We don’t want to hang out with you the day after your wedding, no matter how much we like you.

Again, it’s not personal. Our feet are killing us (see point number 1), and you can most likely find us spending our Sunday with feet propped up or in an epsom salt bath not moving all day. We need to recharge our batteries after your event, so we will politely decline your invitation and instead opt for a day of Netflix and chill.